FACING THE FACTS: WOMEN WITH(OUT) CLASS
By: Stefan Alexander Kempski
So, the question stands: What happened to women with class?
Where are the girls who know how to hold themselves? Where are the girls who know how to look sexy without looking like sluts? Where are the girls with culture? Did a giant asteroid wipe them all out like the dinosaurs? Since when did the majority of cute girls take life advice from MTV? How do girls expect to find guys worth dating when they're idea of partying is acting like they're on Spring Break in Cancun in front of a Girls Gone Wild camera crew?
The answer is that "class" is no longer a solidly defined term in the pop culture dictionary.
Taking a step back, it's easy to see why girls from their early teens to late 20's act the way they do. So, why? The answer is in the simple concept of where society has put the standard.
Taking a step back, it's easy to see why girls from their early teens to late 20's act the way they do. So, why? The answer is in the simple concept of where society has put the standard.
Before jumping in, let's take a few things into context: One, morals today are more like traffic lights in Italy; They're suggestions, nothing more. Two, the bar for how girls should act in a social setting has never been set lower. With mass marketed programs such as 'Sex and the City' and the quasi-reality TV shows MTV pumps out, women are presented as materialistic, shallow, sexual objects. The truth in that? Should be none. Yet due to popular public reaction, there is. Why? Because there is a significantly large group of viewers that take a look at that fiction and see it as a behavioral standard.
Not ok.
Really, really, really not ok.
But thanks anyway, MTV, for ruining the majority of dating as I know it.
Now for the hopeful part: There still are girls with class out there. I've met my handful girls that have really caught my attention as something more: They are the women with culture, realistic morals, and ideas that they can describe without using the word "like" as an adjective, noun, pronoun, verb, and all together thought.
I apologize if this seems cynical or judgemental. I don't intend it to be. There just hasn't been much evidence pointing away from it. Let's just be happy I didn't write an article on how love is shit, and we're all doomed to live Shakespearean tragedies with broken hearts. Thankfully, I can say I've got a little bit of hope.
So, to the girls who think this article is ridiculous because they embody the MTV standard: Please, for your own sake, snap out of it. No guy worth having is ever going to really look your way. Except to check you out, and move on to checking out the next generic girl wearing two popped polo’s, a mini skirt, and Uggz.
To the girls with class: Strut your stuff. It is unique, attractive, and, damn, is it sexy. I know guys can fall into stereotypes of their own, but there are still plenty of us out there that are looking for more than a one sided conversation.
The Post Script: Top Ten Things a Classy Guy Looks For
1) We care about what you think. Don’t be afraid to express your views. Because, guess what! If you agree with everything we say, we won’t care about what you think!
2) There's a fine line between dressing 'sexy' and dressing 'slutty.' It's very easy to cross, and it makes all the difference in the world.
3) Traditional isn’t a bad thing. If a classy guy hears a girl say “Hey, I’m not going to bang your brains out right away,” guess what, that’s actually great. It let’s us know two things: A) You have standards and B) You don’t have Herpes
4) Realize that dating is not a ‘game,’ it shouldn’t be a ‘game,’ and if you decide you’re going to play ‘games,’ we will very quickly find someone who doesn’t.
5) A kiss should say something. Don’t get me wrong, I like making out just as much as the next guy, but if there’s not anything behind it, why are you kissing me? Is it my abs? Or my deep, piercing eyes? I knew it. Just leave.
6) Clingy screams insecurity. We know you have insecurities. Truth is, EVERYONE DOES. But clinginess is not a good reminder. So, breathe. We are thinking about you. Probably more than football and videogames. Except on weekends, but still.
7) Romance and chivalry is a lost art. Don’t look at us like we’re crazy when we open a door for you.
8) Intimacy doesn’t always have to mean something sexual. Sometimes it means a couch, a blanket, hot chocolate, and an old movie.
9) Know yourself. Know your limits. Know your standards. If you don’t know yourself, how can you expect us to want to know you? If you have a big question mark over your head, it doesn’t exactly scream ‘keeper.’
10) I’m very well aware a lot of this can be applied the other way, so, no need to comment on that. Note that this article is written from the perspective of what a gentleman is looking to find in the world of dating and romance.
Hope you got something out of the read. I'm going to go take a shower now, and sing "Satisfaction" by the Rolling Stones while shampooing my hair.
~Stefan
4 comments:
I also see this unclassiness as a sort of feminism-gone-awry. When a woman dresses in that mini-skirt, she is essentially trying to garner male attention both as a means of self-confidence affirmation and as an assertion of womanly power (that is, showing the goods in plain sight as a means of male control - we have a monopoly on the commodities men need). I do not think this kind of expression can be entirely contributed to popular culture today; more or less, this intent has existed as long as sex. The difference, however, as you point out, is that the majority of women now dangle their sexuality less effectively, feebly trying to copy these manufactured images of sexuality in an effort to live up to them. In doing so, they are indulging female stereotypes and negating the goals of female empowerment in general, so it's all futile.
I blame Barbie. Think about it! Most little girls grow up playing with an impossible shaped doll with high lighted blonde hair, blue eyes, excessive make-up and high-heels. We dress her in hot pink, and short skirts, and bikinis. She's big eyed, and big-boobed, and now she's even broken up with Ken, who was supposedly the love of her life, who she married a bajillion times.
I digress.
I think that a lot of the rolemodels young girls have now are not all that great, and it's making a difference in how they see and treat themselves, and what they expect from the guys they date. The old adage says you teach people how to treat you.
While I think there's more to a girl than the way she dresses, I do think it's good to hear that there are guys out there interested in more than just the superficial.
After reading your entry, I feel kind of the same way you feel. I also feel that girls show too much, and it leaves nothing to the imagination. Not just media can influence girls. Some girls can force their twisted idea of beauty on others. I lived in B-more City all my life, and television would never have the styles that I would see in my classrooms, but somehow people knew the trend. Even if it looked trashy, people had to live by it, or they would be humiliated.
So, I really appreciated the top ten "classy guy" perspective and agree with those points even if I am a girl. There is a twisted reality that is in society that says that guys like trashy/sluttish, and I’m glad it is not true.
I think that your post is great, and I think that this needed to be spoken and said. It's important for girls out there to understand that this is not the way to get a guy for more than one night. Maybe a little attention is what a girl needs, but there is a way to do it so you don't seem like a one night stand and noting more than a pair of breasts, an ass, and some thighs. (I'm talking about a female, not a chicken). I don't think that role models that girls have to look up to are as important as one has stated. My role model was Barbie, and I never where a mini skirt with a bra and call it an outfit, even at a club. Sex and the City is one of my favorite shows, and I don't think that the world revolves around sex with men. And I am definitely addicted to reality television but I would never be or be friends with a candidate for Bret Michaels.
I think that you.. or maybe other guys.. are being a bit too quick to judge. Just because a girl might be showing off a little here and a little there doesn't mean that there is an intriguing mind behind it all.. I have many girlfriends that might get drunk and take pictures while being drunk to have a good time. They are also the girlfriends of mine that I would say are top notch classy and sassy. I think the problem is we classify people way too quickly from what they look like.
Don't get me wrong, I agree with you. I think some girls just need to stop acting like slutbags.. But there are also many girls that seem to be judged way before they should be. I think that there are more classy girls than you and your friends seem to think there are. I think it takes a lot more than one conversation to classify girls as classy or trashy.
This goes the same way for men. I always think guys are assholes and cheaters. But for some reason, all my guy friends that are nice to me, (but jerks to their girlfriends) tell me that I'm wrong. There I go again, making assumptions.. I guess I need to have a little bit more hope and faith that the next guy I talk to doesn't wind up being a jerk and a cheater. Also, our age group really doesn't help us find these great people also. Everyone is going to college, enjoying new freedom, taking out stress, and trying new things. Crazy and wild times are during our college years, and this could explain the urge to judge and assume.
So have hope.. EVERYONE!!! Looks can be deceiving.
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